08-22-2021, 12:21 PM
I appreciate your prayers of late, I drew strength from them over the last 6 days. However, the most powerful prayers came from my mother in law, Judi because she knew that I was detoxing from the botanical that I used to get off prescription pain medication. I managed to taper to the point of diminished returns then, I took the opportunity that arose when I was required to be true to my word even though I knew mask refusal was going to cost me the job that I liked. I had to in that context because of my big mouth [I will not comply with any future mandates] and, the necessity of my yay being yay and, nay, nay. Clearly, I have not yet learned to be more thoughtful before saying certain things and I have to continue to work on that.
In times past, there was no way that I could have done what I did last week which was to get Judi up and situated from the day. Nonetheless, God granted me a measure of grace to do what needed doing. Judi is under my covenant protection as the matriarch of our family and as an active warrior in prayer for the maintenance of that covenant. She understands how things work and although she is a shut in, her spiritual influence is mighty in the Heavenly realm.
Considering that from 2014/15 until 2020, I was more interested in diving into the esoteric aspects of heart led living and less on the act of living with the conviction necessary for it to become the motive force in my life. I talked to Michelle about it a lot and had I listened in return it wouldn't have been a surprise to find out in October 2020, on our last trip to the NC coast, that Michelle was naturally heart led and had a much deeper understanding that in many ways surpassed my own. I resolved to really work on getting clean and becoming the husband that she deserved. Unfortunately, she was taken away and cannot see where I'm at now. I feel rather shitty about that and that's how it should be. Nowadays that's called "owning your shit" and that means digging deep and finding those bitter roots and hauling those suckers into the light and dealing with them.
When Michelle moved on to her reward, I knew that the aftermath was going to be nasty because of my sins. I treated a gift from God as a vain thing and have received in myself a measure of wrath commensurate with my sin. I got swallowed by a great fish and just got barfed up on land. After I finish cleaning off the fish smell, it's on to Nineveh. So, yeah now you know and can pray better.
In times past, there was no way that I could have done what I did last week which was to get Judi up and situated from the day. Nonetheless, God granted me a measure of grace to do what needed doing. Judi is under my covenant protection as the matriarch of our family and as an active warrior in prayer for the maintenance of that covenant. She understands how things work and although she is a shut in, her spiritual influence is mighty in the Heavenly realm.
Considering that from 2014/15 until 2020, I was more interested in diving into the esoteric aspects of heart led living and less on the act of living with the conviction necessary for it to become the motive force in my life. I talked to Michelle about it a lot and had I listened in return it wouldn't have been a surprise to find out in October 2020, on our last trip to the NC coast, that Michelle was naturally heart led and had a much deeper understanding that in many ways surpassed my own. I resolved to really work on getting clean and becoming the husband that she deserved. Unfortunately, she was taken away and cannot see where I'm at now. I feel rather shitty about that and that's how it should be. Nowadays that's called "owning your shit" and that means digging deep and finding those bitter roots and hauling those suckers into the light and dealing with them.
When Michelle moved on to her reward, I knew that the aftermath was going to be nasty because of my sins. I treated a gift from God as a vain thing and have received in myself a measure of wrath commensurate with my sin. I got swallowed by a great fish and just got barfed up on land. After I finish cleaning off the fish smell, it's on to Nineveh. So, yeah now you know and can pray better.
