Bananas

[IainH]

I need your help, I get panic attacks. The first one was after I got laid off, my father in law was losing his battle with cancer and my Dad got his second cancer diagnosis. I tried to keep things going like normal but, it ate at me night and day, I started feeling like I couldn't breathe and on day three of hyperventilating I went to the Dr and it was diagnosed as a panic attack. My Dad got them after his Dad died so, I didn't feel like I was weak. The way it was explained to me; it was a physiological response to excessive stress and yes I had a lot on me. That's the background. Oh, he gave me meds and they work but, they slow you down and make you sleepy. The other thing is, because the panic attacks were frequent I wound taking them twice a day to prevent them and that worked. The problem is being slow and sleepy does not  mix well with making money as an upholstery assembler (Upholstery is a craft where perfection is the end. In mass production quantity over quality rules*) 
  For me to work fasterfaster, I resolved to cut out my midday dose. On weekends I go back to the prescribed dose on the evening of Sunday 25th I noticed I was out after my bedtime pill. At lunchtime Monday, I called the pharmacy to get my refill but, I didn't have any. In these cases, the pharmacy sends a request to the clinic and then fill after my Doc signs off. This has happened many times without a hitch, however this was good ole Dr D's day off and when I went to get my meds, the pharmacist said "we haven't got the authorization back yet". "I bet you Dr D is off today, no problem I'll get them tomorrow" I replied as I skipped merrily on my way out the door. I had no idea what was coming.
   Monday night, I could not fall asleep. When I got up  Tuesday I was groggy and just wanted go back to bed but, duty called I ate a granola bar chased with coffee and then chugged a 260mg of caffeine energy drink, like I do every morning to clear the cobwebs and ensure I don't fall asleep driving to work. The critical missing link was the fact I had missed two doses of NOCRAZI™. I felt like something wasn't right but, didn't make the connection. I was seconds late for work (I saw the time clock change from 6:45 to 6:46), normally it wouldn't  bother me in the least but, this time it did and after that things just got worseworse, to the point where I had to be excused. I drove back up the mountain and picked up my meds at the pharmacy, went home took my tab and lay down. It didn't get much better so, Wednesday, I went to my doctor who gave something else to take in addition. Has your head ever felt like it's a shook up pop bottle, mine does. I'm all white knuckling the edge of an abyss.
Please Pray.

PS. My wife just called to say her car won't start. Four people, three destinations  tomorrow morning. Three vehicles one in the shop, one won't start and one will run. One motorcycle and it's too cold to ride it.
God bless america.
PPS. The new meds laid my out all day today after the first dose last night. 2.5 days lost work. More things to bother me.

[Ed Hurst]

Tests of faith can pile up quickly, Bro. I've been there, but I'm not where you are. I don't have any sage words that you can't come up with yourself, but I know this is just a rough patch because you have a mission down the road somewhere. May the Lord in His mercy show You His path through this.

[jaybreak]

I wouldn't say you're a victim, Iain, but our culture is one big protocol for panic attacks. It's a wonder how some of us aren't schizophrenic by now, or at least more acutely schizophrenic

I'll be sure to walk to the bus stop tomorrow so I can pray for you. That's the time I'm most easily able to get into that realm.

[IainH]

I'm not going to work today, my wife was going to drop me off and drive the 21.5 miles home and tcb but, I am overcome with a sense that something very bad will happen and I'll be stranded far from my family. I am sure God's wrath is imminent and people will react in the worst way, the way that only people do. Then maybe I'm paranoid and am headed to the nervous hospital, like other kin have. I'm praying for clarity. I've got agoraphobia, it's common with anxiety disorders, I feel like I'm glued to the house. I can't really get anything across right it's all muddled but, be watching.

[IainH]

Whatever ailed me for 4 days has passed. It wasn't a simple panic attack it was something more there is a spiritual dimension that is being revealed. More dope from the Doc, Paxil which is new to me, so far not much in the way of side effects apart from drowsiness, which is supposed to diminish. 
   And now for something less serious, Sunday afternoon was mild enough for me to ride. Riding Buttercup, the brave little toaster of motorsickles, is when the Spirit pours the molasses of comfort to heart and soul. She brings me peace and tranquility, now this may appear to be a very odd thing to some but, Buttercup is alive and responds to TLC by performing extremely well to be an antique Sporty she's 35 and mc's antique at 30, which means one human year is two mc years. Harley Davidson knew this and that is why they used to release bikes in half years, "early" and "late" making gradual improvements over the lifespan of each model, not every change was good. For example an early 1984 Sporty had a good ol' reliable generator the late 84 had an alternator which had flaws that were not solved until 1992. So if you're stupid enough not to do your homework, a reliable fix is to buy an aftermarket alternator for around $550. Money that could have gone elsewhere, like shocks or a hardtail kit or high quality springer forks, you get the picture. My dream bike is a 1952 H-D FLH, a rigid frame Panhead. Next spring, Lord permitting, I shall open up my custom bike shop and build mine just the way I want it and then take it to shows, charity/poker/fun runs and perhaps find my first client. I'm not looking to get rich, I really want to help people who can't afford to pay a "professional" bike builder, to have what they want at the minimal cost. To achieve this they gotta help. The goal is not money, it's a way to indulge my passions, working on bikes and sharing the Gospel, the genuine heart led Gospel. You can pray on this too. My apologies from rambling on about stuff the probably doesn't interest you but, we are a generous tribe.
All Glory, Honor and Praise to the King.
May the Lord Jesus grant you His Shalom.
Blessings to all and KOKO, Amen and Amen.

[Ed Hurst]

On the contrary, it does interest me. I've had close friends in the past who rode Harleys and their chatter on the subject was sometimes fascinating, despite my lack of personal interest in riding one myself. There is a huge community of them here in Central Oklahoma, so I suspect the market will be good almost anywhere. I found such a community existed in the Netherlands when I was over there. Some of my time on the Net is consumed in watching folks mess with vehicles of all kinds. Something tells me this may well be your calling, and I can see how the market would be sufficient to support the habit.

I agree there's something cooking in the Spirit Realm, but I struggle to put my finger on it. However, I believe the riots in France would represent a symptom.

[jaybreak]

I know next to nothing about mechanics, but I guess I have an amateur's fascination with it? Maybe it's all those sci-fi movies I watch. Either way, I like hearing about them despite not knowing much of what's being said.

Ed - I'm not too perceptive with the news but the Paris stuff made a blip on my radar. I get the impression that it's a turning point of sorts that won't be realized for a few months from now.

[IainH]

Update: I'm diagnosed as having General Anxiety Disorder, the meds make me feel numb, neither up nor down. That is unnatural for me as I've been kinda bipolar as long as I can remember. They say this feeling will diminish as my body becomes adjusted to the drug. If it prevents a repeat of last week I'm willing to put up with it. There is, with a couple of exemptions, a "not talked about" history of mental illness that runs through the family. Naturally, I'm concerned that I'm next but, I don't sweat it because God is in control and whatever happens it shall be to His Glory, Amen.

[Ed Hurst]

Standard medical science is just about awful when it comes to questions of sanity. Most so-called mental illness arises from denial of the heart-led consciousness. I don't at all like the "mental health" model, as if trouble in the head is a matter of illness. Most people diagnosed as mentally ill are simply different from the standard model, one that is far too narrow.

[forrealone]

Hi Iain!

I too have suffered from anxiety and depression.  At times, that was all I knew and all I wanted to be was ALONE.  The more interaction with people, the worse I seemed to get.  I still have "those days" but thankfully, they are few and far between.  At least, I can relate to the extent that I can.  I found I have to catch myself as soon as those feelings start to barely surface and then go to my "happy" place, which is usually walking around in my yard and paying attention to Nature around me.  If I start singing hymns or grab my Bible and read, those feelings will usually just subside.  But, as you know, the head sometimes wins out and the spiral begins.

My prayers are with you. 

Oh, I hope your vehicle situation has improved as I saw on the weather last night Boone and area had/is having snow.......