My wife was known as a "fine Christian lady", she worked hard to be that way and I was her primary stumbling block but, I suppose she must have needed that.
I have been prone to fits of melancholy for most of my life from teenage to the present. I chose to post here, the things that ran through my mind during my most recent bout. I understand now that they are the result of gaslighting by mommy. I'm dysfunctional in the way I interpret several things. For example interpersonal relationships are difficult for me because trust and loyalty must be proven although, I tend to be gregarious and find it so, so easy to relate to people on a superficial level.
It might help if you picture me as a stubborn redneck being broken by God or as a stiff necked Hillbilly being pierced by the flaming sword. It's all for Him, even the low parts perhaps especially the low parts for we gain wisdom through adversity and suffering if, we "embrace the suck" as they say nowadays in the State's killing machine.
I'm married to God's work now although my vow to Michelle is eternal as far as I'm concerned. So, there is nothing to distract me. My intent going forward is to continue to "press toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus". Dang, the ol' KJV sings don't it.
I've learned a lot about myself recently that I hadn't considered before and most of it was not nice. I don't particularly hate Satan, sin I hate not the guy doing his job. I do not treat him flippantly because he has power as a scourge on me according to the will of the Father. I liken it to tough love.
Reason, logic and will are important tools rather than an end in themselves. I abandoned mine some time back and now I'm ordered to pick them back up to use as "tools".
I was in a position where all I had to go on were my convictions, my accumulated knowledge over time. After 100 days of "no contact"* I drifted towards bizarro world in my thinking. It's taken nearly four months to figure out what He meant by, what amounted to,
"I have given you all the tools you need" which, I can't really talk about until my scourging is...over, maybe?
*He was there but, the rich source was not. I do not how to adequately describe how it feels to be cut off so...that'll have to do.
I have been prone to fits of melancholy for most of my life from teenage to the present. I chose to post here, the things that ran through my mind during my most recent bout. I understand now that they are the result of gaslighting by mommy. I'm dysfunctional in the way I interpret several things. For example interpersonal relationships are difficult for me because trust and loyalty must be proven although, I tend to be gregarious and find it so, so easy to relate to people on a superficial level.
It might help if you picture me as a stubborn redneck being broken by God or as a stiff necked Hillbilly being pierced by the flaming sword. It's all for Him, even the low parts perhaps especially the low parts for we gain wisdom through adversity and suffering if, we "embrace the suck" as they say nowadays in the State's killing machine.
I'm married to God's work now although my vow to Michelle is eternal as far as I'm concerned. So, there is nothing to distract me. My intent going forward is to continue to "press toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus". Dang, the ol' KJV sings don't it.
I've learned a lot about myself recently that I hadn't considered before and most of it was not nice. I don't particularly hate Satan, sin I hate not the guy doing his job. I do not treat him flippantly because he has power as a scourge on me according to the will of the Father. I liken it to tough love.
Reason, logic and will are important tools rather than an end in themselves. I abandoned mine some time back and now I'm ordered to pick them back up to use as "tools".
I was in a position where all I had to go on were my convictions, my accumulated knowledge over time. After 100 days of "no contact"* I drifted towards bizarro world in my thinking. It's taken nearly four months to figure out what He meant by, what amounted to,
"I have given you all the tools you need" which, I can't really talk about until my scourging is...over, maybe?
*He was there but, the rich source was not. I do not how to adequately describe how it feels to be cut off so...that'll have to do.