Well, without going into too much detail. What I wrote was in mysticalese. Whoever has ears, let them hear.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy is a symbol for the repeated emotional and psychological trauma that was growing up. These were kept locked away. My father's death and my mother's callous liquidation of everything he had worked for and just dealing with my abuser before she returned to the old country was jarring and triggered the opening of those locked places which, manifested in Anxiety and it's subsequent panic attacks. I have worked on these problems since they began and neither medication nor traditional therapy approaches worked very well because they are symptom focused. Michelle's death really kicked it into high gear.
I am using a more holistic approach to tap into the causes and fix them thereby, eliminating the symptoms. Yesterday, I pushed a little too hard and got some extreme kickback. I typed my post in the heat of my "episode" but, at the same time I was observing myself, kinda like taking a step back. That has never happened before. When it was over I was quite surprised to find that I had "took notes" like I was outside of myself. I will have to tread gingerly around that one until I am able to persuade the gatekeeper/protector of that particular trauma cell, to give me the key.
Expect more and don't worry about me. This is the Lord's doing and His words to me are "You already have all the tools you need." The unspoken part is "if you need help using those tools, I'm here. Otherwise, this is your dog, Charlie Brown." If you're curious, the first part has been coming to me audibly for some time, the second part came into my heart as the words were spoken to me more recently. Now, I don't mean the 10 Commandments Charlton Heston external voice, I mean God's voice in your heart and head simultaneously. I know His voice and it is unmistakable even when He sounds like Samuel L Jackson.
That's a thumbnail outline that probably provides most questions than answers.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy is a symbol for the repeated emotional and psychological trauma that was growing up. These were kept locked away. My father's death and my mother's callous liquidation of everything he had worked for and just dealing with my abuser before she returned to the old country was jarring and triggered the opening of those locked places which, manifested in Anxiety and it's subsequent panic attacks. I have worked on these problems since they began and neither medication nor traditional therapy approaches worked very well because they are symptom focused. Michelle's death really kicked it into high gear.
I am using a more holistic approach to tap into the causes and fix them thereby, eliminating the symptoms. Yesterday, I pushed a little too hard and got some extreme kickback. I typed my post in the heat of my "episode" but, at the same time I was observing myself, kinda like taking a step back. That has never happened before. When it was over I was quite surprised to find that I had "took notes" like I was outside of myself. I will have to tread gingerly around that one until I am able to persuade the gatekeeper/protector of that particular trauma cell, to give me the key.
Expect more and don't worry about me. This is the Lord's doing and His words to me are "You already have all the tools you need." The unspoken part is "if you need help using those tools, I'm here. Otherwise, this is your dog, Charlie Brown." If you're curious, the first part has been coming to me audibly for some time, the second part came into my heart as the words were spoken to me more recently. Now, I don't mean the 10 Commandments Charlton Heston external voice, I mean God's voice in your heart and head simultaneously. I know His voice and it is unmistakable even when He sounds like Samuel L Jackson.
That's a thumbnail outline that probably provides most questions than answers.